Iu2019m not sure why you asked this question the way you did, but Iu2019m going to assume itu2019s because you never really knew your biological mother (which could have happened for any number of reasons) u2024 so you never had the opportunityu2014thanks to circumstances beyond your controlu2014to experience what other people have told you is this thing called u201cattachmentu201d u2024 that you would/should have done with your mother if sheu2019d been in your life. Andu2014now that youu2019ve heard about the concept of u201cattachmentu201d u2024 and about all the problems people can potentially have in their other relationships when they donu2019t attach to that first, VERY important person in their lifeu2014youu2019re wanting to know if thereu2019s anything you can do about it to keep yourself from having those same sorts of problems yourself.That working so far? :)Okay, the fact that youu2019re using the word u201cattachmentu201d here (instead of describing the condition in other, less u201cpsychological jargonu201d kinda ways) tells me that youu2019ve already been reading up on the topic, even before you came here to ask this question u2024 so youu2019re already doing the first thing I would suggest to you: get more information about attachmentu2014and the lack of it, aka: the various attachment disordersu2014so that you hopefully have a better chance at seeing it when you find it happening in your own life.Thenu2014for a bit, at leastu2014read, read, read. Youu2019ll find that different people in the therapy world have somewhat different opinions on the topic u2024 so read them all, not like youu2019re trying to figure out whou2019s RIGHT or WRONG u2024 but just so you can see a wide variety of opinions on the topic, and the wide variety of examples that each of the authors use to help describe the signs you might find in yourself.With all that reading under your belt, youu2019ll be better educated about the signs that could potentially occur in your life u2026. so that, if you do start having them u2024 you may have a better chance of counteracting them with more positive behavior. For example, if you seem to be falling in love WAY TOO FASTu2014even with people you KNOW you have NO BUSINESS falling in love with u2024 especially if, when theyu2019re not right there with you, you question your own taste/wonder why youu2019re still doing it/swear to yourself that youu2019ll end it the very next time you lay eyes on them u2024 and then you donu2019tu2014that may be your sign that youu2019re doing it because, subconsciously, you're craving some kind of instant connection with someone that then lasts, no matter how bad it gets, looking to replace the loss thatu2019s obviously driving you. Or you find yourself pushing people away on a regular basis, even when you know theyu2019re decent human beings who care about the people around them u2024 including you. Yes, these reactions are basically exact opposites u2024 but they could BOTH be caused by the same sort of connection problems youu2019re describing.Thenu2014and hereu2019s the important partu2014if you do a bunch of reading and research on your own, and you try very hard to take a serious look at your own situation u2024 but you canu2019t seem to either see where itu2019s connecting to your life, or how you might be able to make improvements in that area u2024 then itu2019s probably time to bring therapist into the circle of people you spend time with on a regular basis.Finally, please donu2019t consider yourself a failure (or any other such foolishness) if you just u201ccanu2019t do it all by yourself!u201d LOTS of amazingly strong and talented people see therapists all the time, and youu2019ve already made great strides on your own, too u2024 so look at it this way u2024 you might have saved yourself the first 10u201320 appointments, easy! You may have even diagnosed yourself accurately u2024 but let a therapist tell you that, especially one who specializes in attachment disorders, because they could help you get a lot further a lot faster than you may be able to on your own. Plus, it never hurts to have an outside observer in your life eitheru2014someone who can function as a BS detector and gently nudge you if you start lying to yourselfu2014because those are important people to have on your side, too, especially when youu2019re trying to dig through old emotions and even older relationships that began in your childhood! Those have the deepest roots.
